Bitter Pills Read online

  Sunshine was currently at the registration building at Penn State. Her black hair was tied up in a bun, and she wore a tight pair of yoga pants with a white crop top. She was shifting her weight from side to side and counting to herself, likely trying to keep calm and patient.

  Some woman with purple lips that liked to smack her gum was giving her a hard time. There was an online Intro to Psychology course that got overbooked, and Sunshine was struggling to get them to be accommodating. “Don’t you worry, Sweets. Nix has got you covered,” I whispered to myself while checking the roster. Within minutes I found a suitable person to drop the course and opened up a slot. The dude was already on academic probation. I was doing him a favor.

  I watched the campus security footage while hacking into the woman’s computer microphone so I could hear what she had to say.

  “There’s no more slots, Mrs. Moretti. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to take it next semester,” she said in a bored tone. I rolled my eyes. I knew for a fact she was on Facebook and not actually checking if there were any spots open. This bitch was stalking her ex-husband’s hot new girlfriend. This was not healthy for her self-esteem. Move on, Barbara. Go to Barbados or something.

  “Can you please check one more time? It’s really important to me that I get in this class,” Sunshine pleaded. I kind of hated that she insisted on doing this alone. I didn’t really care much for Gavriel, but I knew if he were here, she’d have every damn class she wanted—and this woman’s undivided attention, too. I understood why she wanted to feel independent, but it didn’t mean I wouldn’t be helping her from afar.

  I casually took over the registrar’s computer and watched in amusement as the woman's eyes widened in shock. I unfriended her ex on Facebook and closed it down before opening the roster for the Intro to Psych class Sunshine wanted. “What the fuck?” she murmured to herself before straightening her expression to resemble something that looked like a cross between constipation and professionalism.

  It took me thirty seconds, then voila. Done. Sunshine had the class she wanted.

  “It appears an opening just became available. Congratulations, you’re enrolled.” My girl squealed and bounced, thanking the woman profusely for a job I’d done. I wished I could hug my best friend in person. I wished I could tell her that she was kicking ass and how fucking proud I was of her for taking control of her life. I knew she’d do great in school. I just wished I was there to witness it in person. I was one of the best hackers in the world, but watching her on traffic cameras and through her laptop was getting old.

  My phone pinged, alerting me to a message.

  Ringleader Ghost2704: You do what I asked you yet?

  I frowned, hating my life with a vengeance. When I left the vigilante group all those years ago, I never imagined I’d end up sucked into something larger than life. I never imagined I’d end up hiding away in some apartment in Mexico City, working for self-proclaimed gods while doing the devil’s work.

  I had to work with the big boys to save my best friend, and that meant slipping back into their clutches.

  Nix: Working on it now.

  It was a lie, but they didn’t need to know that. They fucking needed me, which meant I’d take my sweet ass time. I liked to push the boundaries where I could, but we all knew I was nothing but a mosquito on their windshield. This was so much bigger than me. So much bigger than the Bullets. These people ran the fucking world.

  Flipping through computer screens, I switched my attention to my guilty pleasure—Grace Moretti. I didn’t allow myself to watch her often. It hurt too fucking much. The moment we met, it was like the universe imploded. I was trapped in her orbit with no way out. If I stared too long, I knew I’d say fuck it to my sense of self-preservation and run to her.

  Grace and I had a complicated past. When Santobello took her, she was this wounded bird I wanted to nurse back to health. I fell for her. I fell fucking hard. She made pain sound like a haunting symphony. She wore her scars like they were a Cartier love bracelet—priceless and locked around her wrist.

  She was twirling her red hair around her finger and biting her lip.

  Fucking hell, she was gorgeous. I saw how the light hit her face, a halo on my little angel of darkness, illuminating my heart and making me curse my situation once more.

  Her eyes lit up, and those plump lips I’d imagined daily curved into a smile as someone approached her. My chest squeezed as a tall, lean man with chestnut hair settled across from her.

  Alessandro Gray.

  The first man I ever loved.

  I quickly turned off my screen and shot out of my chair. I couldn’t stand seeing them together. I couldn’t stand knowing that he’d get to hear her voice and smell her honey scent. I couldn’t stand knowing they were together and I was here.

  In some ways, I was thankful that Alessandro and Grace were friends. I wasn’t sure if he cared for her out of obligation to me or something else, but it was a relief to know that she was in capable hands. Hands that once held me. Hands that once stroked my cock and squeezed around my neck.

  Fuck.

  Alessandro and I had a twisted past. One that neither of us could quite escape. We did bad things together. We fucked and fought and fucked some more. He fell for me, but I was just a stupid boy with stupid flighty tendencies and no desire to be tied down. I wasn’t a boy anymore. I was a man. A lonely, fucked up man with too many regrets to list.

  Another text came through, and I sighed before checking it.

  Ringleader Ghost2704: Get it done. Now.

  I opened the dark web and efficiently did their bidding. One click of a button. One simple line of code.

  One life completely ruined.

  These people weren’t just hackers. They controlled the world.

  Nix: Done.

  Ringleader Ghost2704: Good. Time to leave. You’ve been compromised.

  I gaped at the screen, reading it over and over again in confusion. I quickly tapped back into Grace’s phone and watched, taking in her surroundings. She was on a plane. A plane?

  I knew where she was going instantly. It was a gut feeling. She was headed to me.

  Raw excitement bloomed within my chest. I could have choked on the elation.

  But no. I couldn’t entertain the idea of seeing her again.

  Guess it was time to leave.

  I knew it was just a matter of time. Half of me wanted to cement my restless feet to the ground and wait for Grace to waltz through the door. But the other half knew better. These people were far deadlier than a simple crime boss. Their empires spanned the world. Their control was something even the darkest villains could only dream of.

  And I was caught in their web, like a fly for spiders to feast on.

  I never stayed in one place for too long, but they frequently sent me to Mexico. I wouldn't miss the apartment I wasn't allowed to leave. No, I'd miss the feeling of accessibility. I'd miss knowing I was somewhere that someone other than my enemies knew where I was.

  I packed up my belongings swiftly and efficiently. Every tick of the clock just pissed me off. I could pretend not to know that they were only a couple of hours away. I could pretend like we could figure this all out and my life would miraculously go back to normal.

  But it couldn't. I wouldn't.

  I was tired of running away, but the alternative was death. The alternative was risking my best friend, the woman I loved, and the man I once adored.

  So I packed. I gathered my belongings. I tossed my clothes in a trash bag and combed the small space I'd pretended was home for the last three months. After packing up my computer equipment and monitors, I stood in the living room, feeling lonelier than I'd felt in ages.

  It would be better if I left without a trace and became the ghost my employers wanted me so desperately to be. But instead, I pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen to write a note. It was the goodbye I was denied all those years ago.

  I'm sorry. Please stop looking for me.

  I love y
ou.

  I didn't include the last part. Love was just a tease. I knew it would make them look harder.

  I love you. I love you. I love you.

  Chapter Four

  Grace

  I turned my phone off for the flight, not wanting to give my brother any access to me. My brother and I weren’t close. Like Alessandro, he kept me around out of guilt. He didn’t want a sister, he just wanted to right the wrongs of our neglectful father. He was a Moretti, and I was the bastard daughter of a stripper. I didn’t mind my past, it made me stronger.

  When we landed, I kept my cell phone off just to prolong the inevitable. Unfortunately, Alessandro had my brother on the line the moment the plane landed on the tarmac.

  “He wants to speak to you,” the cocky bastard said while holding out his smartphone. I stared at the screen for a moment before taking it from his palm. When I held it up to my ear, Alessandro started gathering our luggage.

  “Hello,” I answered cautiously.

  “You’re in so much trouble,” Gavriel growled. He’d become so overprotective since I was captured by Santobello’s men. I couldn’t blame him, but certainly he knew this was one mission I wouldn’t budge on. Nix was my person. I bet if it were Sunshine hiding in some apartment in Mexico, he would do whatever it took to get to her.

  “Have you talked to Sunshine yet?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “She told you,” Gavriel replied. His voice didn’t sound like a question but a statement.

  “Congrats! I can’t wait to be an auntie.”

  “Stop changing the fucking subject,” Gavriel snapped, “...and thank you.” His voice sounded distant, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say it sounded like he was freaking the fuck out—or at least, Gavriel’s version of freaking out. Which basically just meant he’d be murdering someone for sport later.

  I let out a sigh while walking down the steps of my brother’s private plane, meeting Alessandro by a parked black Escalade on the runway. He had his shades pulled down, even though it was dark outside. “I’m not coming back, Gav. I know you worry, but I’ll be okay.”

  “Let me speak to Alessandro, please,” Gavriel replied. His voice was void of all emotion. My brother was hard to read. I think the only people he ever truly let in were the Bullets and Sunshine. I didn’t mind. We danced around caring for one another, but at the end of the day, we were just blood—blood that didn’t really mean anything. So what if we weren’t friendly? We didn’t really do the whole family thing, which was fine with me. I liked the casual nature of our relationship; it made disobeying him that much easier. Once you were in my brother’s web, he didn’t give a fuck about right or wrong. The entire world became one big gray area of doing whatever he pleased.

  He cared about me. He was protective of me. But I wasn’t in that special circle of people he locked in his heart, and I was thankful for it. Loving my brother cost many people their freedom. And maybe sometimes I looked at their group and wished I could find my own special place amongst them, but I consoled myself with the fact that it was easier this way.

  Alessandro took the phone as I let myself into the back seat. I didn’t really want to listen to them argue about how dangerous this potentially was. I didn’t really care. I craved answers like my dead mother craved drugs. I was no stranger to hardship, death, or danger. I knew what could possibly happen and wasn’t scared to look evil in the eye. I was a Moretti, after all.

  Alessandro stood outside for a moment, listening to my brother rant while the driver put our belongings in the back. I dug around my purse for the envelope that Sunshine gave me. I opened it and stared at a grainy photo of Nix leaving the building. I could barely make out his features, but I knew it was him. It took my brother’s team a lot of work to find this. I wondered what it would be like when we reconnected. Would Nix be happy? Sad? Angry? Would he run to my arms and wrap me up in a hug? Would he flee? What if he didn’t want me anymore? What if I built our entire relationship up in my mind and he didn’t really give two fucks about me?

  I couldn’t help but wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him. I couldn’t help but fear the possibility that he didn’t care at all.

  And there was a darker concern lingering in the back of my mind. Something that I refused to acknowledge but still surfaced when I was feeling particularly weak.

  Would he love Alessandro more?

  I wasn’t blind. I knew they had history. I knew Alessandro was on the mission for the exact same reason I was.

  I just didn’t know who Nix would choose in the end.

  The car door opened and Alessandro slid inside, the phone no longer in his hand. “You are a pain in the ass, you know that?” he gritted while grabbing my seatbelt and buckling me in. I rolled my eyes at his overprotective display. I bet Gavriel gave him a long list of things to do involving my safety. I wouldn’t be surprised if an entire army of guards greeted us at Nix’s apartment. I knew my brother had plenty of connections in Mexico, and he had no problem pulling the loyalty card and demanding they keep an eye on me. I wasn’t looking forward to the fanfare.

  “Did he read you the riot act?” I asked. “Is he going to make you follow me into the bathroom? Jump in front of any stray bullets we encounter?” I teased.

  “It’s nothing I’m not already obligated to do,” he snapped. My playfulness waned, and I frowned at his words.

  “You aren’t obligated to do anything,” I replied in a clipped tone before crossing my arms over my chest. We drove down a crowded street. The sky was dark, but streetlights sprinkled light along the asphalt as we drove.

  “I’m obligated to keep you safe. I made a promise.”

  “Made a promise to who?” I asked. “My brother? Because that’s not his style. He just orders them around and demands loyalty. Promises are worthless when you’re a god. Obedience isn’t a choice.”

  Alessandro turned to face me, his lips pressed into a thin line. I could tell he let something slip. I could tell this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have. Tough shit. “I promised Nix,” he whispered, the admission paining him.

  “When?” I asked, gasping.

  “Do you remember the night before he left?” Alessandro asked as the Escalade turned on a busy street. I winced. How could I possibly forget?

  Nix and I were at the safe house. Visions of him tasting me. Kissing my inner thigh. Rolling my hair around his fist and pulling so he could bite my neck. He buried himself in my soul and invaded my body. He whispered words of adoration over my skin.

  And the next morning, he was gone.

  “Yes,” I whispered before swallowing.

  “I caught him leaving,” Alessandro admitted, his expression carefully blank. “I finally made my way to the safe house. I-I was looking forward to seeing him. Nix said he had something to do but would be back. I could smell you on his skin.”

  My mouth dropped open. How did I not know this? Everything about that time was burned vividly in my mind. Did Alessandro not want to share one of the last precious memories with Nix that he had? Those weeks while on the run from Santobello were difficult.

  “Did you notice something was off?”

  “He looked sad,” Alessandro replied. “He made me promise to watch over you until he came back.”

  “Then he never came back,” I choked out. I was so fucking mad at Nix. I wish I knew what made him run. Not knowing was the difficult part. Was he trying to protect us? Was he trying to escape us? I hated that I was just now learning about this, but more so, I hated that I knew the truth. Alessandro didn’t care about me. I was just someone he was forced to babysit. “Would you still have followed me had he not asked?”

  “No.”

  “Even now?” I clutched my chest as pain rocked through me. I didn’t want to throw a pity party. I didn’t want to drown in the reality that no one stayed with me for me. My mother was a whore that liked opioids more than me. My father didn’t want some bastard child in his Moretti bloodline. My brother saw me
as a burden. Alessandro was a constant in my life, but he wasn’t there by choice. Nix was probably the only person who liked me for me, but like everyone else, he left without a trace.

  Was it too much to want someone to care? Was it too much to want to be loved?

  “Let’s just find Nix, okay? No more questions,” Alessandro said before turning his attention to the window.

  “Fine,” I gritted. “But one more question. Why didn’t you stop Nix? Why did you let him leave?”

  Alessandro pressed his forehead against the glass. “I’ve never been able to stop Nix from doing whatever he wanted.”

  The building we pulled up to was in a heavily populated area of the city. It was a large pink stucco building that had bars on all the windows. The streetlights illuminated the sidewalk, and when I got out of the car, I looked up at the tall high-rise with trepidation. “I’ll go first and make sure it’s safe,” Alessandro said, his tone leaving no room for questioning. Yeah fucking right. There was no way in hell I’d let him go up there first and get the glory of finding Nix. Thoughts of their steamy reunion invaded my brain, and I wanted to scrub my mind of the vision of them stripping out of their clothes and fucking like their lives depended on it.

  He didn’t wait for my response. He started stalking toward the entrance, and I followed after him, bumping into his back when he abruptly stopped. “What are you doing?” he asked through gritted teeth.

  “Following you. You really think it’s safe for me to stand outside in the middle of the night in this part of the city?”

  “You really think I’m going to believe that your stubbornness has anything to do with your desire to feel safe? I’m not going to jump his bones the minute I see him, Grace. I might actually punch him in the jaw,” Alessandro retorted. Of course he would pinpoint my insecurities and step on them with his ostentatious Gucci dress shoes.

  “Can we please stop wasting time and just go? I’m following you whether you like it or not, and every second we waste just pisses me off. If it’ll get you to shut up, I’ll give you the first punch.”