Love and Lead Read online

  Alessandro walked over to the window overlooking the mountains, the moonlight outside barely illuminated the ground below. "He loved my mother—in an obsessive sort of way. But she never loved him back. I did a DNA test. I don’t know who my father is, but it’s not Santobello. She blackmailed her way out of his empire. I was just a stupid kid looking for his birth mom. Nothing was adding up, so I joined the vigilante group. If I had known it led to working for him, I would’ve never done it."

  Gavriel nodded. "And that's where you met Nix?"

  "We were only members for about a year. Things went south when the leadership got greedy."

  "Did you ever find your mother?"

  "Nope. She's a slippery bitch."

  I closed my eyes and tried to think of what sort of mother would leave her child alone in foster care. Maybe my idea of parenting was ruined by my own. I was a cynic when it came to families. Did any parents stand by their children? Blaise gripped my hand, as if predicting my line of thought.

  "So how did you get mixed up with Santobello?" Gavriel asked with a frown.

  “The vigilante group worked with some bad men. He heard who I was looking for and offered me a job. By the time I realized what kind of man he truly was, I was in too deep. And when I tried to leave, he threatened my girlfriend at the time. He ended up killing her anyways. I was in. I couldn't get out." Gavriel then nodded while piecing the story together.

  I observed Alessandro with newfound sympathy as he stared at the ground, likely thinking of the girlfriend Santobello killed. It seemed that all of us in the room had suffered at that man’s hand.

  “So what can you offer me, Alessandro? I’m sure by now you understand how these things work. You might have saved my sister, which I’m eternally grateful for, but you’re a liability.”

  “Your father knows my birth mother. I overheard Santobello mentioning it. I’ve long ago lost the desire to meet her, but she can help you bring him down. That tiny piece of information is all I have to offer you. You can take it or leave it.”

  “How does my father know her?”

  “How does your father know anyone in the business? He just does. Santobello kept mentioning the old ways. Maybe they grew up together?”

  Gav stood up, using the armrest of his chair to stabilize him. “Get on your knees,” he ordered, and the three guards standing watch around the room went rigid as they moved to attention, preparing for the inevitable anger.

  Gav made his way over to Alessandro and reached out, grasping Alessandro's neck and closing his fingers tightly. Everyone knew that if Alessandro truly wanted to, he could break free from his grasp. But it wasn’t about that, it was about submitting to Gavriel’s brand of punishment.

  "If you betray me, I'll give you a painful death. I'll slice your throat. You know, they say it feels like you're drowning in your own blood," Gavriel threatened before leaning closer. Their faces were so close. “I’ll make you scream for help, then I’ll hurt anyone you care about.”

  Alessandro opened his mouth to answer, but Gavriel squeezed tighter, making it impossible for him to speak. “I’m sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you.”

  Alessandro’s face went pale, his lips turning blue as each second of the clock ticked past. Callum made his way around the sofa and headed towards Gavriel, slowly shuffling closer. I assumed it was so that he could be near in case he fell. Always lifting each other up, these Bullets. Too bad Gavriel wanted to fall.

  “I’m going to go check on my sister. You can stay in the guest cabin with a couple of my guards. You’re lucky I trust Nix and don’t want to kill you in front of Sunshine. Otherwise, you’d have a hole in your head.”

  My mouth dropped open in shock. I wasn’t surprised by his threat; although I’d only been reunited with them for a couple of months, nothing really surprised me where Gav was concerned anymore. But I was surprised that he trusted Nix. “Love, go rest,” he ordered while nodding at me.

  Twisting my body to face Ryker, I grabbed his hand before squeezing. “Let’s go.” There was still a lot to figure out. But right then, I just wanted him.

  Chapter Five

  I’d been spending every night in Gavriel’s room, mostly just falling asleep on the loveseat in front of the fire, listening to his nightmares and watching the steady rise and fall of his chest.

  He couldn’t sleep with me in the room. Having me close left him feeling vulnerable. He didn’t like knowing that I could hear how much the memories of that church were haunting him. But I couldn’t sleep away from him either, so the ever sacrificing Gavriel let me in, showing me the parts of him that were scary and tortured, because it wasn’t as bad as knowing that I was suffering alone.

  That being said, I did have a guest room set up for me. It had a beautiful view and a large bed, covered in pale pink bedding and a variety of plush pillows. I’d only slept in here a handful of times. It looked unused, and I wondered what Ryker thought of it all as I guided him inside and shut the door behind us. “This where you’ve been staying?” he asked.

  “No. I’ve been sleeping on Gavriel’s couch. I’d sleep in his bed, but little movements would hurt him. I guess I could now—he’s healed enough—but...” I didn’t know how to say that it seemed weird now. We hadn’t picked back up and gone back to being physically affectionate.

  Ryker dropped a duffle bag on the ground then went to the bathroom to freshen up. I’d noticed that his hair was starting to grow in. It was still short, but not buzzed like before. It suited him, but I almost wished that he would grow it out long like when we were teens. A flash of a memory entered my mind, our first night together back on the Jameson’s boat. I remembered threading my fingers through his long locks as he made me come with his mouth.

  As I listened to him brush his teeth, I took off my shoes and settled on the bed, preparing for a restless night of sleep. When Ryker emerged from the bathroom, he was shirtless. He wore workout sweats which hung low on his hips, showing off his toned body. Then I noticed a couple of bruises that were previously hidden by his shirt.

  “What are those from?” I asked.

  “Got into a fight with Nix.”

  My eyes widened, and I leaned forward, brushing my fingers along his stomach, remembering the time he told me that he used to press on his wounds to remind himself how he’d survived. What all had he been forced to endure while he was away? I couldn’t help but think that my wounds were deeper, and guilt was poking at them daily.

  “I missed you so fucking much, Sunshine. Can you ever forgive me?” he asked. “Callum told us how bad you were, but we had to save Grace.”

  I understood why they left. I never even questioned it. It would have killed me, but I would’ve done the same. Gavriel Moretti didn’t love many people. I’d joked before that the list of people he gave a fuck about was short—it's why I was so shocked when he said he trusted Nix. If he were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for someone I loved, then I’d be willing to do the same. “I wasn’t upset that you left. It’s Gav, Ry. I’d do it for you or Blaise, or Callum, too.”

  Ryker let out a shaky breath then sat down next to me. “It killed me to be away from you. There were a couple of weeks where we just had to wait for word from Nix, and we camped out at a hotel a few blocks away from Santobello’s mansion. It was torture, knowing you were somewhere dealing with all of this on your own.”

  I nodded in understanding and tried to swallow back the stupid tears and the sob welling up in my throat. It was torture being alone. But I could handle it. That's why our group worked, wasn’t it? We all helped each other; we were there when we could be, off fighting battles elsewhere when we were called. The group worked because ultimately no one was ever alone.

  Except, of course, Callum. Right now, he was probably feeling very alone. Not entirely on good terms with me. Too guilty to talk to Gav. The only people he had were surprisingly what was left of Gavriel’s men. It was shocking to think that Chesterbrook’s golden boy was now helping run a
dying crime syndicate. Pretty soon, Gavriel would be back to his commanding self, but for now, Callum was enjoying his role as a Bullet, something I never thought I’d ever see.

  “What all happened while I was away?” Ryker asked, and I didn’t know how to answer him. A lot happened. Physical therapy. Surgery. Pain meds and destructive fights that left neither Gavriel nor I feeling right about things. I was clinging to him, and he was clinging to his control. Both of us were pushing each other away because we didn’t know how to cope with all the shit that had happened. We needed Ryker and Blaise.

  “It was rough,” I finally replied before resting my head on his shoulder. “You know how Gavriel gets when he doesn’t feel in control. I didn’t know how to help him. Didn’t know what to say. And I got desperate, clinging to him when I knew he needed space to cope. But the fear of losing him again…” My throat closed up, and I hated myself for sounding so weak.

  “I think all of that sounds normal, given the circumstances and who you both are as people. We’re alike, you know.”

  “How so?” I didn’t feel like Ryker at all. He was strong and wise.

  Wrapping his strong arms around me, he finally answered, his low voice rumbling in my ears. “We cling to what we’re afraid to lose. I kind of wish that you would have been mad about me leaving. I played out our argument in my head so many times. I imagined you screaming at me for going off to save Grace,” Ryker said, squeezing me tighter so that I couldn’t turn to look at his face. “I wanted you to be mad at me. I wanted to know that you feared losing me, Sunshine. Isn’t that fucked-up?”

  Slumping in defeat, I nuzzled as close as I could get, smelling the fresh scent of mint from his toothpaste as I inhaled. “Ryker, I wasn’t mad. I knew it was what you had to do. I was nervous at first. I was worried you’d wise up and leave me. But right here, right now, I know that what we have is so solid, so perfect that I could never lose you. I’m completely confident in us. I don’t fear because there is nothing to be afraid of. Maybe that makes me pretentious or maybe even cocky, but I know that you’re it for me. All of you are.”

  Ryker reluctantly smiled and squeezed my hand. “Tell me what happened?” I asked softly, not sure I wanted to know.

  After letting out a slow huff of air, Ryker replied, “When we got to New York, Joe was there waiting for us. He felt responsible, in a way, since she was kidnapped from his apartment. Nix arrived about the same time we did. He’d already been working on following their trail. We didn’t have any real leads for about two days; all of us were just mindlessly searching Santobello’s known haunts, hoping we could get a lead while distracting ourselves from thinking about what you were going through.”

  I nodded, encouraging him to continue. “It’s okay,” I said once more while trying not to think about those first two days in the hospital. The doctors genuinely didn’t know if Gavriel was going to make it. I couldn’t stand the looks of pity on their faces. I couldn’t stand the smell of the hospital, the feel of the gown they made me wear, the weight of their stares as I broke down.

  “It wasn’t until Nix recognized some signature on a dark web trail left by one of Santobello’s men, that we had some sort of idea where she was. We sent a message to Alessandro, and within a day, we had an agreement. It just took a couple of weeks to make it work.”

  “Do you think we can trust Alessandro?” I asked.

  “I think the only people I trust are Bullets and you. And kind of Nix. He’s a determined fucker when he wants to be. I’m sure by the end of this, Gavriel will make him an honorary Bullet.”

  “Nix would never be owned by anyone.”

  “That’s why I said honorary. I got to know him pretty well while we were waiting to get Grace back. I’m also pretty sure Alessandro is in love with him.”

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Well. That will make for an interesting trip.”

  Ryker and I went silent, each of us digesting the news from our reunion and trying to see where we were going from here. “How…” Ryker began, but his voice trailed off like he wasn’t sure how to ask what he was thinking. “How is Gavriel? I know the logistics of his injuries. Thirty-six percent of his body, huh? Have you seen it?”

  I looked down at the ground, feeling uneasy for talking about Gavriel without him here. I knew he wouldn’t appreciate us discussing his...condition...without him.

  “I’ve seen parts of his back in passing, mostly when the nurse performs wound care. He wears pants all the time, so I haven’t seen the backs of his legs, but I can only assume they’re just as bad. He had an infection at the start of it, but he’s stable now. He’s mostly just sore. He once told me it’s like he can still feel his skin burning when he moves.”

  I didn’t tell Ryker that the first time I saw Gavriel’s back, I accidentally gasped. I covered my mouth with my hand then fled the room before he could hear the sobs wracking my chest. I didn’t cry because the scars on his perfect skin had twisted him into something ugly; I cried because I couldn’t imagine the pain he endured to save Callum.

  “Has he been difficult?” Ryker asked.

  “About as much as can be expected,” I replied honestly. “Actually, he’s been better than expected. He guards himself; sometimes he can’t help but blurt out something cruel. But for the most part, he’s been aware of himself. But I wasn’t sure how long that was going to last.”

  “I’m glad we’re back then.”

  I let out a shaky breath before going to lie down, patting the bed beside me and feeling thankful for the comfort Ryker was bringing me. “The Bullets are better together.”

  “We’re better with you, Sunshine.”

  I leaned forward to kiss Ryker, moaning into his mouth when his tongue connected with mine. It was like I couldn’t help but be devoured by him. I didn’t care about my ratty hair or the stains on my shirt; I was whole, completely his the moment our skin connected. He pulled away to whisper, “Fuck, I missed this,” before he fastened his plush lips to mine once more. Our teeth clashed as we explored, knitting our bodies together as we shed our clothes.

  He alternated between savoring and ravishing me, slowly rubbing his calloused hands up and down my pebbled skin before grasping my breasts and pinching my nipples between his thumb and index finger. Our limbs tangled as I enjoyed feeling him everywhere. Smashing our bodies together, but still feeling like we weren’t close enough. The pain and distance of our separation made it feel like there were still miles between us, and I wanted nothing more than to close the gap.

  His hand reached up to release my black tresses from the messy bun currently loose on the top of my head, and I smiled as he ran his fingers through my hair, until he stopped at my scar.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s where I was cut. It’s fully healed now,” I replied before going to kiss him once more, but he pulled out of reach, lifting up to look more at my head.

  “Fuck, Sunshine,” he murmured before placing a soft kiss where there was a small patch of my hair missing.

  “I’m okay, please don’t stop. I need you,” I whimpered before lavishing his chest with kisses and sucking at his skin. I wasn’t ready to talk about the past or my injuries. I needed Ryker. I needed the closeness only he could offer. Trailing lower, I adored his body with my mouth, kissing until my lips were positioned over the head of his hard cock. I looked up at his relaxed expression, regretting the guilt crossing his features.

  “Stop looking at me like that,” I said in a stern voice.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you don’t deserve this.” I slid up and down his shaft with my mouth, using my lips as a buffer between my teeth and his sensitive skin as I applied just enough pressure to make him squirm.

  “Oh, fuck,” he cried out while I moved up and down. I felt powerful then, with Ryker beneath me and taking everything I had to give. I looked up at him and noticed the way his eyes softened in lustful adoration as I gave him pleasure.

  Maybe I needed this more tha
n he did. Perhaps it wasn’t just Gavriel that craved control over his life lately; maybe I needed to feel the strength and discipline of knowing that no one else could truly make my men feel the way I made them feel. I needed to know I was enough to guide them through all of this, if just for a moment.

  He grabbed my black hair, balling it up in his fist and out of my face while gently guiding me up and down, lifting his hips up as if against his will to bump the back of my throat with his cock. I gagged a bit, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling. I wanted to know my limits just so Ryker could break them.

  I pulled away to stare at him before whispering, “Slide it in, and show how much you love me.” I momentarily was shocked at the power in my words, but my shyness was completely forgotten when I looked at Ryker’s turned-on expression. I always thought he liked to be in control in the bedroom, but seeing him love my moments of strength had me wondering otherwise.

  And as if not needing any additional instruction, Ryker grabbed under my arms and pulled me to his chest, positioning me on top of him with my legs straddling his waist. “You’re going to come on my cock, Sunshine,” he said before sliding inside of me and watching my mouth drop open in unhindered pleasure. I couldn’t hold back the moans in my throat. Ryker filled me up, and I clung to him, with nothing but my slick need between us.

  While keeping inside of me, he flipped me over and slammed me into the mattress before pumping inside of me. He was giving me the relief I’d been craving, making me forget about the pain I’d been through. The worry I felt for Gavriel. The stress of hiding from Santobello, and the conflicting feelings I had about my family. I might have been all that was left of the Brights, but I was a Moretti now, wasn’t I? No. I was a Bullet.

  The drapes beside the bed were open, allowing the subtle moonlight to dance across his naked body, highlighting each groove in his muscles as I traced my fingers along their dips. He fucked me slowly. He lingered in each movement. He plunged deep within me, nudging that feral part of me that wanted to let go and give in to the waves of pleasure.