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  “I’m not sure. It’s still new. I have a lot to learn,” I replied with a frown, shame filling me at disappointing her once more. Just once, I wanted to feel her pride in me. Just once, I wanted to be a daughter she wasn’t ashamed of.

  “Well, hopefully you’ll figure it out soon then, hmm?” she said. I knew that if we didn’t have an audience of council officials, she would’ve kept talking about it. Quade’s father had taken over her position after I’d stolen her powers. It was a sore subject, and she always treaded carefully around him now, straddling the line of forced respect and bitter envy. If we’d been alone, she would’ve demanded that I work myself to the bone and figure out how to put powers back into her. I was surprised she hadn’t checked up on me sooner, to be honest.

  “That’s the goal,” I replied.

  Quade subtly moved out of my grip, and it was then that I realized I’d still been holding onto his arm. Looking down, I realized that my amulet was flashing in warning at me.

  “I better get her back to her cabin,” Quade offered before leaning forward to kiss his mother on the cheek. When he pulled away, I noticed caked-on makeup was stuck to his lips. Extending his arm, he shook his father’s hand before giving my mother a polite nod and guiding me away. I didn’t bother to say goodbye to Mother. We all knew there was no need for that level of forced pleasantry between us.

  Once we were out of earshot, I turned to face him. “I knew your mom didn’t like me anymore, but it was weird seeing the woman who taught me how to make brownies practically snarl at me,” I said in a soft voice before looking over my shoulder at her once more. Sure enough, she was still sneering in my direction, whispering to her husband.

  “Can you blame them?” Quade asked. He didn’t look me in the eye when he said it, but pain still radiated through me.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, turning to face him. We stood chest-to-chest, my amulet burning with anger and need. His dark eyes flicked down to where it hung, suspended over my cleavage.

  He let out a sigh. “Look, we were close as kids. Hell, you were my best friend. But things changed when you got the Void. You changed. You stole your mother’s powers, for gods’ sake,” he said, as if I needed the fucking reminder. “I’ve been groomed to help my people my entire life, but your nature is to ruin them. It just...wasn’t meant to be, Devicka.”

  Something told me he was talking about something much more than friendship, and it made me twist up inside.

  “You’re wrong,” I whispered as he turned and started walking again. His shoulder brushed against mine, and he paused at the contact before glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. I could smell the juniper on his skin, feel the corded muscles beneath the sleeve of his suit jacket. Warmth washed around me in waves, and I tried not to sink into the sensation. “I’m still me at the core of it all. You just never gave me the chance to prove it.”

  Quade stared for a moment longer before dropping the last bomb on our friendship. “I didn’t care enough to give you that chance.”

  You’d think that, as a Void, I’d be used to the yawning emptiness inside of me by now. And yet, I’d never felt emptier than I did in that moment.

  Chapter 11

  A loud banging sound woke me up. Again.

  I pulled myself out of bed and stumbled forward. I answered the door, noticing too late that I was in a tank top and underwear. I immediately sighed when I saw who was on the other side. I really needed to learn to sleep in more clothes, especially since people kept bothering me in the feral cabin any chance they got. What was the point in living secluded from everyone else if the paragons kept dropping by unannounced?

  “Render, what a pleasant surprise,” I answered, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

  He pushed past me, walking inside the cabin, running his fingers through his dark, floppy hair.

  “Sure, come on in,” I said dryly, shutting the door again and watching as he paced around the cabin.

  He looked like a caged animal, each step causing the floorboards to creak. He wasn’t in his suit from the ball or his academy uniform, and instead was wearing wrinkled jeans that looked like he’d grabbed it from the dirty laundry and a black band t-shirt boasting the popular vampire rock band, Let’s Suck. The red rims lining his eyes made me wonder if he got any sleep last night, and some darker part of me thought of the beautiful bitch, Blaire, draped over his arm. Maybe they’d been up all night and helped each other out of their formal clothes.

  He finally stopped in his tracks, spinning around to look at me, his face intense and his eyes holding an edge of anger. “Why can’t I stop thinking about your blood?” he asked me, repeating his earlier question. “Really. Tell me the godsdamned truth, Void. Did you curse me with bloodlust or something?” he asked, picking at his arm like his veins were burning. He looked like an addict dying for his next hit. It was jarring to realize that the hit he craved was...me.

  I frowned at him. “Considering I don’t have magical abilities, didn’t sacrifice a Gremlin, and didn’t steal a lock of your pubic hair for the incantation, no. No, I didn’t.”

  Most of the time, bloodlust was just a nasty sickness, but it could be recreated with a powerful enough magic wielder. Magic wielders were few and far between though. Almost as rare as Voids.

  He went deathly still. “If you didn’t, then why the fuck do you know how to create the curse?” he demanded, his eyes wide in horror.

  I chuckled at his ridiculousness. “You’d be surprised what I know. My father is a risk demon who loves to tell secrets, and my mother once led the elemental council,” I replied with a proud grin. I enjoyed catching the paragons off guard.

  Render flashed closer to me, making the laugh die in my throat. My breath caught when he wrapped his warm fingers around my throat, squeezing me in a manic way. His steely gray eyes were intent on the vein in my neck. “I just need another taste. I had dreams about you all fucking night,” he said quietly, his voice carrying surprise and frustration, even as his gaze glittered with want at my pulse.

  I swallowed hard, struggling to keep calm. He was too strong, gripping me a bit too tightly. Once again, my damn amulet was like a beacon, reminding me that he was dripping with power, and my Void always liked a good meal. Especially from the paragons. Ever since I’d had a taste from Gritt, it’s like my Void knew what real power tasted like. In a way, I understood Render’s craving.

  His eyes flicked down to the glowing mass of orange coming from my amulet, before rising up again to meet my gaze. I felt hot all over, and when his thumb brushed lightly over my skin, I couldn’t stop the shiver that travelled down my spine, landing deep in my gut.

  “Seems you’ve got a taste for Void blood,” I replied with a cough once he loosened his hold on my neck slightly. “Guess it’s not dirty like you keep saying it is. Or maybe...you just like it a little dirty,” I added with a smart ass smirk, because I obviously had a death wish.

  Render’s eyes narrowed, and then quicker than I could follow, he flashed across the room, lifted up my desk chair, and smashed it against the wall. I squealed in surprise, ducking as splinters of wood exploded behind me. Eyes wide, I watched him, heart beating wildly at the chaos threatening to erupt out of him. Maybe he really did have bloodlust. If that was the case, I needed to get out of there right now.

  I held my hands up placatingly as he started to pace around again, and all of the previous humor I’d felt was replaced with worry. “You need to calm down, Render,” I said. “When was the last time you fed?”

  “Last night,” he spat, shoving his hands through his hair as he walked. “Blaire came to my room, and we fed and fucked and then fed some more.”

  My nose wrinkled in distaste. It shouldn’t have affected me, but imagining him with his teeth in someone else’s neck, with blood coating his perfect skin made a tide of jealous anger wash up into my stomach.

  What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I so drawn to the men that were bad for me? I didn’t want to
be one of those girls—the type that were attracted to the bad boys for the sake of being bad. Or for the sake of thinking that they would be different for me. That they would soften for me. But there was something about these damn paragons that made it impossible not to want them. Maybe it was the Void at work. Maybe it recognized their massive power and made me attracted to them.

  “Then you should be satisfied,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

  His eyes flickered down my bare legs and the small slice of pale skin exposed by my tank top. Obviously, he’d just noticed what I was wearing. Rolling my eyes, I strutted over to my small dresser and pulled open the drawer to put on some more clothes. This was starting to feel like deja vu. All the paragons had no problem looking at me like I was a tasty treat, but they still treated me like I was no better than the dirt covering the floor of this damn cabin. Once I had jeans and a t-shirt on, I turned to face him again.

  “That’s the thing,” he said, looking at me like he could still see my panties. “I should be full. Sated in every way.” He stepped closer to me, and I took a step back, pressing against the dresser behind me. “Unlike you, I learned how to control my cravings a long time ago. I don’t let them control me. So explain to me why, when I was dick-deep in perfect vampire pussy, all I could think about was the way you moaned into my mouth when I sucked the blood from your lips last night?”

  His crude words made my stomach clench, and I shuffled my feet, pressing my thighs closer together. “Maybe you were hungrier than you thought?” I offered lamely with a casual shrug, though my voice came out breathy. I tried to show that I wasn’t affected by him by turning around and piling my hair on the top of my head and twisting it into a messy bun, but still, he approached me, his eyes hot and dark as he looked at my exposed neck.

  “I don’t let my cravings get the best of me,” he insisted.

  “I get it, so why do you keep saying that?” I asked with a huff. I hated how he could throw his control in my face like I wasn’t working hard enough to try to control my Void. I hadn’t even known that the Void could be tamed. I was the only of my kind, and everyone had always been too scared to let me practice using it. Their solution was exiling me away. My father at least gave me some freedom by finding me my amulet. The council would have kept me locked up otherwise.

  “Because it’s important to me,” he finally said, stopping right in front of me, his voice tight with anger.

  “Why?”

  “Because people die when you aren’t in control,” he suddenly shouted, his voice so loud that it bounced off the cabin walls.

  Power was seeping through his pores, and my mouth watered against my will. I swallowed it away, careful not to lose the very control he was talking about. I knew all too well the consequences of not being in control. It plagued me daily, knowing that I could easily lose control and wipe out every supernatural in my wake. The Void had no limit. It had no bottom. My fear was that one day, I would let my Void out, and it would consume everything. I would be nothing except hunger and darkness, devouring everything in my wake until there was nothing left.

  I tried to step away from Render, but his body stopped me, his hips pushing against mine, and I felt the telltale evidence of his hard erection pressing against my hip. His eyes stayed on my neck as he started to speak, his steely gaze taking on a faraway look. “I lost control before. She was eight years old,” he began, his voice dropping down to a level barely above a whisper. The air around us tightened, time paused. Nothing else existed except for Render’s sudden vulnerability and the way our bodies molded together.

  “Who was?” I whispered.

  “I was visiting the human community with my father. He was a council member back then. He’d been a paragon like me, but he was forced to step down from his position when Judge Braxton came into power,” Render said, and it suddenly made sense why he seemed to dislike Braxton so much. “The judge only likes cooperative supes on his council, and we’ve never been a cooperative bunch. The only reason I’m even here is because I’m more powerful than any other vampire. They had no choice but to elect me for this position, even though the judge tried to suggest other options. They were all jokes. I’m stronger, faster, my venom is more potent, my hypnosis is powerful, and my bloodline is pure. There was no one else that could compare.”

  I nodded, encouraging him to continue, while simultaneously entranced at the casual way he mentioned how strong he was. He wasn’t even saying it to brag. Just stating it like a simple fact. I knew he was powerful, but knowing just how powerful made me nervous. I could sense he was deflecting from the meat of the story by explaining this, but for some reason, it was important to me to know how he lost control. It made me feel less...alone.

  “What happened?”

  “I was just a kid,” he said, dropping his head in shame. “Fourteen and stronger than vampires centuries old. I was always hungry. She...the human was walking home from school. She fell and scraped her knee. I-I lost control, and she lost her life.”

  I inhaled sharply, trying not to show too much sadness at his story. Render seemed like the type to repel pity. He’d rather wrap himself up in cruel words and sarcasm than deal with the real issues in his life. Vampires usually only fed from other vamps, willing humans, or blood bags. Some of them, with more exotic tastes, drank from animals. It was rare that one killed a human anymore, since they secluded themselves in the vampire capital and had other options. But he’d just been a kid.

  “You can’t blame yourself for that,” I said quietly, my hand coming up to touch his bicep. His skin jumped under my touch, but he didn’t move away. I wasn’t even sure why I was consoling him, but in this moment, he wasn’t being an asshole. I didn’t want the moment to end. The room seemed to grow cold at the sadness between us.

  “Yes, I can,” he replied, raising his head to look at me, showing me the tortured look in his eyes. “I lost control. I’m the reason she’s dead. I don’t even particularly like humans, but that doesn’t mean I want to be a murderer.”

  I nodded, because I understood completely. I didn’t particularly like supernaturals, but that didn’t mean I wanted to drain them all of their powers or inadvertently take their life essence. “It was an accident, Render. You’re remorseful. That’s what makes you better,” I told him. “If draining my mother’s elemental power taught me anything, it was that you can’t live in the what-ifs. It’ll drive you crazy if you do,” I said quietly.

  Render’s lips pressed together before he reached up, trailing his hand up to cup my cheek. I could practically feel the heat in his gaze, and I knew that he was remembering the taste of my blood on his tongue. I realized with a jolt that I wanted him to bite me. I wanted to feel his teeth scrape into my skin. I wanted his venom to fill me with that indescribable want. Our kiss last night had been electric and all-consuming, and I wanted to feel that fiery chemistry again.

  “The only thing driving me crazy right now is you,” he whispered, dropping his hold on me suddenly. “But we’re not the same, Void. I learned how to control myself. You’re still flailing around like a fucking fish out of water.”

  Just like that, the moment popped. Asshole vamp was back.

  “Come on, time for you to learn some godsdamned control.”

  “How was the ball last night? Have any cravings?” Banner asked me, circling around me while my smoke hugged my feet, swirling around the ground, waiting for me to loosen its leash.

  Render was standing in the corner of the empty classroom, arms crossed and a scowl perched on his plush lips as he watched us.

  Banner had started the day off with more lessons. He hadn’t even greeted me, just told me to take off my amulet and feed from him. So long as he didn’t activate his neutrality, my Void was able to touch him in order to feed. It wasn’t like it had been with Gritt though. With Banner, it was still painful for him, and he definitely didn’t enjoy it. But he told me to do it, so I did. I wondered if he could sense the hunger within me. I was sti
ll getting used to the fact that I had to feed regularly, appeasing the hunger just like you would your stomach. I wished that I could’ve told him about the weirdness with Render earlier and asked about why the vampire seemed to be hooked on my blood, but of course, the ass vamp refused to give us any privacy.

  “It was fine. I felt hunger with all the powers around me, but not too bad. I was more in control than I think I’ve ever been,” I replied before giving Render a smirk of triumph. It was the truth. Feeding gave me hope that maybe the Void was something I could handle—with more practice.

  “Good. Don’t get too complacent though. You need to always stay ahead of your hunger. I want you to call me if your amulet is working overtime. The goal is to use it only as a last resort, not your constant cage.”

  My eyes flickered to the pocket of Banner’s suit jacket, where I knew my amulet was currently sitting. For so long, it had been a safeguard against the Void. A muzzle of sorts to keep its deadly teeth at bay. Being without it still made me feel stripped bare and vulnerable, which was ironic since, in reality, having it off was what put everyone in jeopardy.

  “Again,” Banner said, bracing himself.

  Taking a steadying breath, I let my power push further out. I was practically frothing at the mouth with smoke, my hunger still not sated. For the second time this morning, I let streams of smoke wrap around his legs, creeping up around him. Except the moment my power touched the bare skin of his arms and neck, I watched a thick bead of sweat flow from his hairline and down his angular jaw, and then Banner’s knees buckled.

  “Shit!” With a gasp, I immediately pulled the Void back.

  I could sense that his power was fading. I’d nearly taken too much, even though I’d barely fed at all.

  “Why’d you stop?” he panted, folding in on himself.

  With Gritt, he seemed to enjoy it when I fed from him, but with anyone else, Banner included, it hurt them. I didn’t understand. Despite the brave face he was putting on, Banner looked about ready to blackout, and I’d barely taken anything from him. It put into perspective just how powerful the paragons really were.